1/05/2006

Its a hockey night in hell...


I am not an expert but I have a hard time understanding why people watch hockey. At first I thought Hockey players were tough, they have big sticks and run around on giant razor blades. What could be tougher than that right? Now that I realize that skates aren’t that sharp and your not aloud to hit anybody with the stick, I think a junior ladies lacrosse game is probably more hardcore than the NHL.
Are you pissed off yet, because its gonna get worse.
Take a trip down to your local renaissance faire and take a look around. You will be sure to find a 135lb Elvin Mage with a mace ready to take on all comers. This guy is wearing little more than elf boots a green tan thru Speedo and a cloak and he is ready to smack the shit out of an Orc-ish Thieve at the roll of a 10 side dice (10d). While you sit back eating your deep fried mutton on a stick watching Eldario of Stupinwood clubbing the heck outa goldamush I am sure you will realize that hockey is little more than penis pumping gay porn for fat couch potatoes (since I am a fat couch potatoe I mean that in the best possible way).
We need to ween ourselves off of the standard menu of Professional Football, baseball, Hockey and basketball. Sure baseball is a good idea because the field is filled with senior citizens and dolts, what else are these guys gonna do for a living. And were else can you miss a day of work because you have a bruised elbow? I suffer more injuries taking a crap than these guys miss a game for. The great thing about football is that a spectator can look just as fat as a pro baller, the only real difference is that he can’t run for thirty seconds and he won’t be able to pay his way out of a rape charge.
How would these over paid, over privileged pro atheletes stand up againt a horde of fire twirling evlin archers? I bet one level 12 tracker would turn this guys into Bantha fodder as soon as swing at a puck.
This is just my opinion and now you are stupider for reading it.

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