The rapture is about to rupture with glee...

  1.   It looks like Bird Flu could be the choice weapon of the lord. as you can see here there is little hope for the human race. It's all very simple.

1. First the duck makes unwanted, pre-marrital sexual advances on the chicken. This is a sin.

2. The the chicken smokes pot, this causes it to hang out with gay people.

3. Gay people play frisby golf and promote abortion, god hates Gay people, hippies (Democrats) and ABortion so he makes them have sex with chickens.

4.  Then people start to lay virus filled bird flu eggs, that sit quietly in Iranian and Al Quieda terrorist cells all over rural America.

5. Then Jesus plays 666 trumpets and all the eggs crack and then the sinners die.

All is not lost, you can defend yourself.

  1. Get in the bigest vehicle you can. A Hummer, Escalade or Armada work the best. Let it idle at all times, we have to get rid of all the icky oil, it makes the planet dirty and God hates dirty things (like Emo kids).
  2. Drive around on your phone ALL the time. The micro-waves from the phone are gods way of repelling poor people (gays, minorities and the socially conscious).
  3. Vote Republican damnit! They are the only group fighting to protect us from Iran.

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