Sure sure, I want an iphone. It is cool and it can do a lot. But I draw the line at taking classes to operate it.

SO I am listening to the radio and they are telling me that the iphone has no instruction book with it, but that you can take classes to learn to use it. FUCK.

If you have an iphone and you took classes to learn to use it you need to go and fatally hurt yourself, immediately!!! There are 5yo kids that can figure this shit out, what is your excuse?

Here is what to do;

  1. Park your car facing up a hill.
  2. Put your right hand behind the front driverside wheel while standing inside the driverside door.
  3. Start yelling, "I am stupid and I deserve what happens next!". Repeat this over and over. Remember it has to sound convincing or the treatment won't work.
  4. Now reach in with your left and put the car in neutral.
  5. And now you should be cured.
  6. Should your asinine behavior continue, repeat step 1 thru 5; but keep your iphone in your right hand during step 2 thru 3.

Now wrap your hand in a clean shirt, get the dog back into your Subaru with the dog cage in the back and drive home to your bland, TV-less house and read a good book.

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